Where and How my Journey Began…
Where it Began…
It was 7 years ago that my husband and I decided to try and have a child of our own… Little did we know the road ahead would be long, a grieving one, and a loss of connection (s) with others.
I became a perinatal mental health therapist when my husband and I experienced our first loss, one of many. It began with sitting in 3 different reproductive endocrinologist’s office and processing what was wrong with ‘me.’ The journey went something like this…
”You are old. You have autoimmune issues…”
Then there was the fact that no insurance covered treatments and we had to pay out of pocket… for everything. Devastated, we began to save and were eventually guided to a fertility clinic in which continued to report that “you are geriatric… you have autoimmune issues…The chances are not very high.”
Pregnancy then Loss…
With several egg retrievals and several failed egg retrievals we were able to conceive. I was pregnant! Everything that we had gone through, wished for, saved for; had finally come to fruition. Until it did not. I was struck by a vehicle and experienced loss.
Pregnant. Heartbeat. Excitement. All gone. It was one of the most difficult times in my life and I could not process it effectively. I did not receive any support or community referrals. Postpartum Support International (PSI) was not even mentioned to me. I went home, devasted, and reclused. I thought to myself, “there must be more. There must be somewhere for me to grieve besides my psychologist’s office who did not quite understand my loss or pain.” And so, I immersed myself in trainings. I took every course available to me and became certified through Postpartum Support International (PSI).
Ready to Try Again…
After about a year (and adopting a dog), I told my husband that I was ready again. This time, we sought the advice of a well-respected reproductive endocrinologist who sat both my husband and me down. He shared with us – to our surprise – that yes, my ‘issues’ were a factor but that my husband was truly the factor here. With further testing, support, and guidance, we were able to get pregnant again. Hope was again restored!
Throughout pregnancy, I continuously feared loss. How could I not? I still couldn’t breathe. After I heard my son crying, it was real. And then? Postpartum anxiety hit me. I had rage. I was sad. I was worried. I could not understand! Everything that I had hoped for came true so why was I feeling this way? After creating support resources for myself (i.e., night doula, postpartum doula, lactation support), I began to heal.
I still felt as though there was a gap in my medical care and a general gap in women’s maternal health. Fearlessly searching, I found other women who struggled with what I had gone through. A warrior is what I was called. A warrior is who I am.
-Montana Therapy for Moms looks at your life through the mothering lens. Being a mom is significant and challenging. Let me help you find your happiness.