THE INVISIBLE LOAD OF MOTHERHOOD
What exactly IS the invisible load?
Being a mother is a tough job. There is an invisible load that nobody truly talks about. I am here to talk about it. Motherhood is idealized, and this is especially true around Mother’s Day, social media, and the press. Let’s take the pressure off by honoring ourselves every day, dispelling the myths of idyllic motherhood, and give ourselves the gift of acknowledging that motherhood is a tough job. There are rewards to motherhood and there are challenges.
Honoring yourself
I believe that it is important to honor the fact that all mothers work. Whether you are a stay-at-home mom (SAHM), a mother who is being employed outside, or both; mothering takes effort. The effort is physical, mental, and emotional. And, if you are a SAHM, a paid position is out of the question. All we can do is say to ourselves “hey, good job!” I feel as though that needs to be enough and yet it is not.
Here are some statistics and facts…
According to Forbes, 72% of mothers work either full time or part time. In addition, these mothers work inside the home – cleaning, doing laundry, meal preparation, etc. Yet, the debate continues whether mothers should work outside of the home, how it affects their children and families, and their happiness surrounding their working status. The debate does not need to be linked to whether you are jubilant about your working status. The debate needs to be more about your choice in the matter. If you work full time or part time and you are happy with this decision-the research links it directly to the way that your children will respond to your choice. Meaning, if you are happy with the choice of working outside of the home, most likely, your children will acknowledge the positive outcome (s) of your joy. Also, if you are a SAHM and you are satisfied with the decision that both you and your partner (s) have made, then, once again-your children will take note.
This does not negate the time that a mother invests and spends inside of her home. The fact is that mothers are more likely to take night shifts, tend to their children when they are sick, take time off (if they are working outside of the home) to take care of their children, and still manage to keep up their home. This 24/7 nature of a mother is difficult and contributes too much stress. Let me just tell you right now – you are a superhero.
Burnout is real!
While burn out is real, we can take steps to mitigate the struggles that occur inside the home. Begin by asking for help – from your community, from a mental health therapist, friends, family, etc. This, my dear mothers, takes courage and strength! Being a mom does not mean that you must do this alone. If you have a partner, try, and distribute tasks as much as possible. Be intentional in what you need. Again, this takes strength!
What does our culture say?
Lastly, being a mom is not being perfect. Our culture suggests that we can and need to do it all -and that it needs to be perfect. Comparing yourself to social media moms, to other moms, and to what family ‘thinks’ is only going to create unhappiness. Realize that no one is perfect. Your children are not looking for the perfect parent. Your children are looking for someone who has empathy, compassion, and love. Take gratitude in what you do and who you are because you matter.
-Montana Therapy for Moms looks at your life through the mothering lens. Being a mom is significant and challenging. Let me help you find your happiness.