The Holidays are Approaching…

The Holiday Season  

In my practice, I am often asked why the holiday season(s) are stressful. While there is not one answer to this question, there are some interesting data and research that supports the holiday stress. And, since I am all about the research and data; I have included those in this blog post.

Why are family holidays so stressful? 

According to the American Psychological Association (APA, 2021), 38% of people reported that the holidays were stressful because financial pressures, gift-giving, family gatherings, and poor boundary setting. With that being reported, is it any wonder that people land in therapy after the holidays? They come with physical ailments stemmed from mental health stress such as: depression, anxiety, substance misuse, and over all stress.

How to be real with the Happiness Trap

 The happiness trap is a real thing. You may know it as the ‘pressure to be jolly.’ This pressure comes from the expectations we place upon ourselves to bring the entire family together, create the so-called ‘perfect meal setting,’ and purchase a ton of gifts for your family-whether you budgeted or not for them. The reality is that anytime we set ourselves up with high expectations and it does not turn out to be what we expected, we are bound to feel unhappy. Even the hassles of travel, taking time off work to make the holidays, and limiting our boundaries around both can create chaos and unhappiness. Dr. Carol Bernstein, a professor of psychiatry and neurology at NYU Langone Health reported that people need their rituals and routines. She reflected that any change to these can create anxiety and stress (US News, 2018).

How to Cope

 I believe that the best way and the key to coping with holiday stress is to anticipate your potential stressors and triggers. The first step is to assess your triggers during the holidays. Meaning, if you were to look back at the holidays and take mental note about which moments were the hardest; could you then mitigate your stress? Have an action step to these mitigated factors. Decide ahead of time what you are willing and wanting to share with people who ask the same questions. If you must, rehearse what you are wanting to say. Create strong boundaries around difficult situations and let go of the assumption that what you need/or say is not going to suffice for others. This is your boundary, and this is your time to create happiness.

Maximize on the moments that could present happiness – go in with a goal or intention in mind that you can get what you need if you let go of the idea that everyone needs to be happy.  

The bottom line is that you can create your own happiness and stick to the boundaries that you find fulfilling and necessary. Let go of others’ expectations and set a goal for yourself (and your family). This goal can be internal or external. You can choose to share it or not. It is about you and your mental health.

Written by: Lital Diament MA LMFT and mother